Tobor the 8th Anniversary: Countdown to Final Obscusion?

"Weirdest Dresser", Judd Elementary School Class of 1998

Yes, that was a real "award" I was given by my sixth grade class as we left elementary school for middle school. The interesting thing about that, in retrospect, is that I wasn't a "weird" dresser for the reasons you'd think. I wasn't bad with color coordination, my mother made sure of that, & I wasn't dressed in any peculiar way. Instead, I simply preferred to wear shirts that were either one solid color, or have some sort of pattern (lines, checker-boxed, etc.), & I really didn't like wearing any sort of licensed property on it; today, I'm not as picky, but I'm still prefer simpler designs. No, I was deemed the "weirdest dresser" simply because I didn't follow the status quo, and for some reason my classmates didn't like that I was so "different". My fellow boy classmates would call me an "alien", say that I wasn't from this planet, & just pick on me in general, while the girl classmates simply didn't want to have anything to do with me... And then it all stopped once someone decided to apparently get so annoyed at me for being "different" that he decided to punch me in the head after school; not the face, but the forehead.

Boy, did that shut everyone up, and I think it really made them realize something about ostracization. After that moment, everyone treated me just a little bit nicer, & by high school I was at least tolerated enough that, on rare occasion, they'd ask me to help them if they had a question about an assignment, because I guess I was smart, in their opinions. But by then the damage had been done years ago, and I'm sure it really hurt my ability to relate to others... And it's something that's honestly stuck with me to this very day, unfortunately, if even only a little bit. If you ever came across me in real life & I wasn't exactly the most open guy to talk to, I hope that at least explains why I might have come across like that, and I'm sorry if I gave you a less than stellar first impression.

If I was to be my own (hack) psychologist for a moment, I'd say that's the reason why I love focusing on the obscure & forgotten: Because they deserve the attention & respect that others wouldn't give them, kind of like how I was ignored or treated as "less". Today, a common claim is to "fly your freak flag high" & celebrate what makes you special, but the truth of the matter is that, deep down, those who say that tend to be the ones who still determine what's "normal", even within little niches like anime fandom; be yourself, but not so much that you're too unlike others. Ever since I started The Land of Obscusion, I've had moments where my "different" tastes were questioned, simply because they were not like those of others & were unexpected. I once got called out, in person, by professional translator Neil Nadelman, because I had the apparent gall to give Zaizen Jotaro, a constant pick for his Totally Lame Anime panel at cons, a more positive review over here a few years prior; to clarify, he brought it up, not knowing I was in the same room as him. Once on ANNCast, I told Zac Bertschy & Justin Sevakis, two guys I have nothing but the greatest respect for, that Ring ni Kakero 1 was my most-wanted anime license, and their collective response was effectively, "WHAT?! WHY?!?!?!"; granted, they heard me out & humored me with a conversation, but the reaction said it all. Finally, & most recently, I had a friend pretty much say to me, "Well, you are a [insert anime title here] apologist, so..." when I defended another anime I enjoyed; I get that it was in jest, but the joke still comes from a feeling of superior opinion. Obviously, all three are isolated incidents, and only the first actually came off as aggressively intentional, but they still, unfortunately, all carried the same general air to them: You're "different", and that's not a "good thing" to the rest of us.

To be perfectly honest, "different" has pretty much been the primary focus for The Land of Obscusion across these eight years. I've tried to stay as positive & respectful towards what the various anime, manga, games, & whatnot have tried to be in a culture that has focused more on being negative about what these products weren't, or what others wanted them be; that's not to say that I haven't ripped something apart if it deserved it, though. I've always remained open to finding out what others felt about a series, or at least what the general reception towards it was, and if my feelings about it wound up being different, then instead of wondering in annoyed confusion about why those people had their own, differing, opinions, I tried to actually come to some sort of an understanding; if I couldn't, though, then I just accepted as "different strokes for different folks". Finally, I have refrained from descending into sheer cynicism, which would also including poking fun at something because of its very existence; I think the reason why should be obvious by now. I treat looking at obscure & forgotten works as a bit like archaeology or looking for historical relics, & I try to give them the same respect that a character like Indiana Jones has for the things he hunts after.

In other words... "They belong in a museum!"

This is also why I try to avoid covering something many others have before...
Because then there's always a René Emile Belloq looking over your shoulder.

Of course, over the course of these past eight years, it's kind of tough to really gauge how "well" I've done with this endeavor. In terms of notoriety, I certainly have some sort of it within the hardcore "AniTwitter" collective, which is filled with great people, but next to nothing beyond that. I guess I've become the "Obscure Anime Guy", which both sounds good & bad; it's an identity of some sort, but it also sounds bit self-defeating, as though it's all I'm good for. In terms of outreach, I'm probably much too humble, quiet, & dry for social media, hence why I have yet to even break 400 followers on Twitter (though I have no concept as to how many would actually be "good", so 400 is still better than 4 or 40), so I guess I have no one to blame but myself for that; as indicated, I've become much too shy to really know how to attract an audience. I could change the way I behave, but then I'd feel like I'm faking it, and I certainly don't want to come off as disingenuous. Really, no one wants to admit it, but having a passion just isn't enough, sometimes; it's why I'm not a businessman in any way. In terms of content, though, I've generally been happy with my output, especially within the past four or five years, when I decided to go more in-depth with my reviews & expand my breadth with Obscusion B-Side, but it's also been a double-edged sword.

Without a doubt, the subject matter I focus on, the obscure & forgotten, has always been both my boon, as I feel I offer something that next to no one else does in English, & my bane, because "no one" (on the whole, that is) really cares about this stuff; they're obscure & forgotten for good reason. What most people (understandably) want is talk of what's current, even if most of it winds up being forgotten come next season, or new in-depth investigations & views on stuff that they are already familiar with, whether that's all-time classics or cult favorites that they've at least heard the name of. They don't want write-ups of stuff they've never heard of before, or opinions that stray far from the general cultural osmosis that they've acquired, i.e. you constantly hear that a show is really bad, so there's no point in reading someone saying the opposite in any way; if anything, nowadays, you'll just piss them off for not validating their opinions. Essentially, I'm too "different", and that's far from a "good thing" to most people. I've never deluded myself in thinking that a blog like this would be "popular", far from it, but it can feel a bit disheartening to have done this for nearly a decade, yet feel like little to nothing has come about from it, while others start up their own endeavors more recently & see actual results or notoriety. Sure, this is likely a little bit of jealousy, which is just human nature, but I at least acknowledge that it's all self-inflicted; I harbor no malice towards anyone who's managed to actually do something with what they love. Congrats, and keep doing what you do best!

I know exactly how you feel, Danbo...

And, really, that's the biggest thing I always have to deal with: The relative silence of it all. It's one thing to be able to look at the "Stats" tab whenever I enter Blogger/Blogspot & see that there are people reading, or at least simply clicking links into, the stuff I've done here & have raw numbers to rely on (I have just over 10,000 page views left until I hit 500,000 total!), but it's another thing when I get any sort of direct response. This counts via a comment on an article, an e-mail sent to me directly, or finding out that someone shared a link somewhere that I didn't know about at first, among other things. Those are always much rarer to come by, so often this whole endeavor feels more like me simply shouting into the void, knowing that "no one" will likely care, but hoping that some will, and the end result of that is often a very solitary experience. While I don't feel I have symptoms of depression or anything like that, though my heart goes to those who do, it's the feeling of the vast void of nothingness that sometimes makes me wonder if there's any "point" to doing all of this, & that maybe I should just pack it up, make a "farewell" post, & call the entire endeavor a wash & simply keep my (admittedly) eclectic tastes & feelings about stuff, that others may try using against me to label me as "different", to myself. After all, as the saying goes, "Status Quo is God"... But then I'll get a comment, or an e-mail, or some sort of response on Twitter, and I get re-energized again, because I'm reminded that what I offer is unique, unexpected &, most importantly, "different". Sometimes, it's good to offer something unusual, I guess.

At the same time, though, while I have slowed down overall compared to my output from my earlier years doing the blog, I feel as though nothing has really changed. I've effectively stopped watching anime as it comes out, with only a handful of exceptions (&, even among those, I've only actually watched few to completion as they aired), and I've simply amassed a massive backlog of anime, movies, & games that I feel I'll never get to, especially if I keep giving myself a constant stream of stuff to watch or play for the blog. Similarly, while it never truly taints my experience with them, I sometimes feel like I'm watching or playing something for a piece here because I have to, not because I want to. But why do I "have to", when I don't do The Land of Obscusion for any sort of monetary gain? Simply put, it's because I've always felt that I should, that if I was to slow down or even stop at any point, then I'd lose interest in doing this... I've been afraid that doing anything less than consistent would mean that I failed myself. It'd be me admitting that I was wrong to even try this in the first place; I'd be proving that being truly "different" was a fool's errand.

I feel that it's time that I test that theory, & put myself to the test.

Eight years equates to 96 months, & this December will mark the 97th consecutive month that I've been doing The Land of Obscusion. I started this at age 24, just a year out of college & working part-time at Target, & now I'm 32, working a State-employed secretarial job, which means that I've spent nearly an entire quarter of my life doing this, so I don't want to stop just yet. At the same time, though, I'm tiring myself out, especially since I already have a "normal" (i.e. "9 to 5"-ish) job, so I think I finally need a break. Therefore, I have decided that after this upcoming March of 2019, the 100th consecutive month, I will take a month off to relax; maybe I'll even watch some recent anime, for a change. After that following April, though I have an idea for an April Fools Day piece (but that would still be done during March, so loophole!), I'll see where I go from there. As I said, I have no intentions of putting an end to The Land of Obscusion yet, but rather I think I'll finally move over to the "part time" idea I thought of doing back in 2015. You know, instead of 3 or 4 articles a month, maybe I'll slow it down to 1 or 2, which at the same time could allow me to properly take time & do some even more in-depth stuff. I want to do more things like retrospectives, which require more time to do in general, & covering any anime that's beyond 20-some episodes feels next to impossible if I keep having others things in the pipeline. Really, what I have to do is convince myself that I don't "have to" get stuff out by certain points, like the end of a month, & that I should have stuff that I can do, like the ever-so-reliable lists, for when a larger/longer piece requires more time. In order to do that, though, I think I have to know what it feels like to have nothing in the works for a month; you know, back in the before time, the long long ago. Of course, there could be a month where I'll feel especially active, so I'm not saying that there will no longer be any 3-4 article months; I'm just not going to make that the norm, anymore.

If all of this comes off as sounding slightly bitter or anything like that, then I apologize, because that isn't my intent here. I simply felt it was finally time to just let out how I can sometimes feel while doing the blog, because I have generally kept it held inside for so long, for fear of having it come out wrong. Anyway, let's move onto something a bit more cheerful, shall we?

Without all of that out of the way, how was this past year for the blog? I deemed it a "Year of Unfinished Business", and in that regard I think it came out splendid. I returned to stuff like Saiyuki, Otoko Zaka, B't X, Saint Seiya, Idea Factory anime, Monkey Turn, & even The Ages of Jump. I created a new "segment", Retrospect in Retrograde, which will allow me to revisit some old anime I reviewed, and give them better & more detailed write-ups; I'm already super pleased with how the first two came out. I also finally did some stuff I always had planned to do for years, like covering the KAZe pinball games, the Metal Max retrospective, GamePro's "Playstation Encyclopedia", & Sweet Home. I also did some new ideas that happened to come up more recently, like examining all of the Magnificent Seven films, "reuniting" Akira Tsuburaya's Retro-Modern Anime Club Band, or doing a variant of the good-old license rescue list by focusing solely on streaming-exclusives. I also headed up my first ever collaborative effort for the blog, as I worked with Anne Lee from Chic Pixel to get the infamous Gundoh Musashi tell-all interviews translated into English for the first time ever; again, a massive "Thank you!" to Anne for her help. Hell, I got to interview Anime Midstream founder Jimmy Taylor about B't X, and he seemed to even time his official announcement of the DVD release to happen right after the interview went up! To be perfectly honest, this year was a damn good one for the blog, even if it did start to feel tiring by this point; I feel like those articles from January to March didn't even happen this year, but they sure did. Sure, I didn't get to everything I had promised, like covering the various anime based on Mitsuteru Yokoyama's Mars (though certain announcements that came about were responsible for that), but in it's place were other really cool things, & I still got something Yokoyama covered with GR -Giant Robo-. Overall, even with this feeling of pushing myself more than necessary to the point of wanting to take a break, I am very proud of what I got to do this year.

As for what to expect in 2019? Actually, I have a couple of notable bonus anniversaries next year, for my first ever published work & when I started up the original YouTube channel that predated the blog, & I'll be covering them both on the days they happen. I also have plenty of other "Unfinished Business" to get to, but this time around I won't make those the primary focus. Unlike this year, which was heavily pre-planned so as to knock out as much things as possible, next year will be much more spontaneous in execution, so I can't promise much else other than to keep checking back. I am edging ever closer to Review #250 as well, which I already know what it will be, and I think I might actually be able to get to it in 2019, which is great; I remember thinking that hitting 50 reviews back in 2011 was an accomplishment. Nothing's written in stone, not even the last three months of "regular" activity, but I feel good about this upcoming year.

As for this month in particular, it'll be a bit slower than usual. Up next will be a first for Demo Disc, as it will be the first ever single-series volume for a manga, Sukeban Arashi (a.k.a. Masami Kurumada's very first manga)! After that will be my third contribution to the Reverse Thieves' yearly Anime Secret Santa project, which I'll be looking forward to, and then what will likely be the very last "Twelve Favorite Posts" list, at least as a yearly thing, since I doubt I'll be making enough afterwards to warrant whittling it down; hey, if it's going to come to an end, then what better time than with an extremely strong year?

As always, thank you all who visit for bothering to do so, and we'll see how things work out after the 100th consecutive month.